Here's an ugly truth about getting into a relationship with a single parent. You are probably entering a relationship with an unhealed individual. You are probably entering a relationship with an individual carrying a lot of trauma from their past relationship. You are probably entering a relationship with an individual who has a toxic relationship with their child's other parent. Knowing all of this, some of you, like myself, still choose to make this relationship a long term commitment thinking you're prepared to help heal this person's wounds, heal their trauma and/or heal their relationships. Let me tell you now before you get burned out. There's only so much you can do and say to try and fix another person's problem. At the end of the day, you are not responsible for this. Your partner is responsible for their healing. Your partner has to get to a mindset of willingness to let go, forgive, and move on. That is a personal decision they have to make.
So then what can you do? Speaking from experience, here are four tips I can give when married to a former single parent with unhealed trauma.
1. Speak up about your concerns. Let them know how you feel about the situation. Remember to use words of validation and support, and avoid inflammatory and accusatory words.
2. Set and communicate your boundaries. Stop doing everything for them.
3. Suggest helpful resources including counseling, books, courses etc.
4. Let go and let God.
And to any single parent reading this, please, I beg of you, address the trauma from your past relationship before entering into a new long term relationship. It's not fair to your future partner.
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